Hey Trinity I feel your pain. But realize that we are the instruments of the Lord. We are the elements of the fight against evil. Evil that we see all around us every day. Relentless, ever present, depressing. If the Lord gives you a shovel we should not believe that the shovel will do the heavy lifting for us. God gave us the tools to preserve and carry on his word. We only have to learn and use these tools. The tools were always there but the Lord can not make a weak man brave automatically. God has given us the ability to see far. To see the the perversion, the evil in our society. We must rise above the evil. See it for what it truly is and lift that shovel and get to work. Just my .02. Keep on keeping on Trinity.
I have worked over the years with special forces Vets to rewrite their resumes to help them get a mission...a new job.
That prevents the anxiety/depression/suicide ideation/suicide cycle because they get that mission.
Simple, but it works.
I am tired of burying them after they take their own lives.
The trick to preventing the breakdown of the mind into deep depression is to catch it before it happens.
Once the black tar seeps into the brain, it is near impossible to get out of it.
Another strategy is to help others. By helping others, especially those worse off than you, it enables you to get past your own depression.
Here is a poem I wrote that may say it better.
Beating the Silence
That thing wells up again.
It has no right to be here,
but it rushes me so fast
as I am watching my sons laugh
and my wife smiling
and I'm screaming and screaming
"Goddamit! It has me again!"
but I look over and see
they are still smiling and laughing
and playing and know
that for me the laughter
and smiles and play
are over for a time
because Mr. D is here to stay.
So, I try the old remedies.
I take my lithium at regular doses
but it only delivered
what it promised,
stability,
but said nothing of smiles
and laughter and play.
There are other strategies
and they must all be used
alone or in concert
until one breaks through...
...brings the rainbow of green and yellow
that overshadows and tames
the rainbow of azure
that swallows me whole.
I exercise at a furious rate
To get the endomorphs to kick in.
I consider smoking a cigar
But reject it as an emergency crutch.
I reject alcohol outright
because she is a demanding
and vicious bitch who,
for whatever she delivers,
is always a one-night stand.
Through the haze I know
these children are mine.
They need my sanity
and love and strength
more than my paycheck.
And my wife…my wife…
who has known these cycles
and seen the bipolar me
in a unipolar world
deserves the best effort
and fight I can muster
to defeat these MD demons
before they rally
and make all resistance futile.
That is the point.
That is what I scream to you.
Fight the demons
immediately
and fearlessly
the minute they arrive
if you are to have
any chance at success.
To those who loved me enough
to stay with me through the days
when I was "in that mood again"
in spite of the demands
of the interior and bipolar life
it is the best way I can say
"I love you…and I always will."
Well said. Get help if you need it, or be the help someone needs.
Hey Trinity I feel your pain. But realize that we are the instruments of the Lord. We are the elements of the fight against evil. Evil that we see all around us every day. Relentless, ever present, depressing. If the Lord gives you a shovel we should not believe that the shovel will do the heavy lifting for us. God gave us the tools to preserve and carry on his word. We only have to learn and use these tools. The tools were always there but the Lord can not make a weak man brave automatically. God has given us the ability to see far. To see the the perversion, the evil in our society. We must rise above the evil. See it for what it truly is and lift that shovel and get to work. Just my .02. Keep on keeping on Trinity.
Well timed and well written post, just before many people suffer from the "holiday blues". Just Restacked. You nailed it!